Where No Man Has Perched Before
by jgracetheauthor
Summary: Montgomery and just about everyone he knows end up in the top of a tree outside the Academy. Will they make a habit of this? Or is it a habitat... regardless, of course it's James Kirk's fault. Again.


Where No Man Has Perched Before

or

Of Habits and Habitats

One day, Montgomery was sitting by himself. This was not so very unusual - it happened every so often that he sat by himself. What was slightly unusual was that he sat by himself without a book, and what was even more unusual was that he sat by himself without a book in the top of a tree. That was very unusual. Montgomery was not given to sitting in trees, at least, he did not make a habit of it.

A friend of his, whom he fondly thought of as the thin young Doctor McCoy, was sitting nearby. This was not entirely unusual - in the past couple of months the thin young Doctor McCoy could often be found somewhere near Montgomery. Nor was it entirely unusual that the thin young Doctor McCoy was sitting in a tree as well. Not that the thin young Doctor McCoy made a habit of sitting in trees, but he did make a habit of getting himself into strange difficulties.

The two of them were in a strange difficulty now, make no mistake about that. And, Montgomery sighed to himself, it was not his fault. He'd had nothing at all to do with it. That was the sad thing about the last couple of months - he was getting into a habit of getting into troubles that were not remotely his fault. And more often than not, they were the fault of a cadet by the name of James Kirk.

Coincidentally, it was James Kirk's fault that Montgomery was so unhabitually sitting in a tree at that very moment. Now when asked why a sensible mortal would spend half the day in the top of a rather tall tree, you might answer that it was because he was trying to get away from a bear or a mountain lion, or because he wanted to see the view, or perhaps he had climbed it in his sleep and had now awakened and was afraid to climb down. But none of these were the reasons that Montgomery was in the top of a rather tall tree.

"Are you doing okay, Scotty?" was the thin young Doctor McCoy's rather timid question from the top of his tree, which was about thirty feet away.

Normally, Montgomery would have answered with a mild, "Yes," or perhaps, "Middling, Doctor, how are you?" But he was unusually frustrated at the moment, so he said, "No." The thin young Doctor McCoy was silent again.

The silence lasted for a full six seconds, when the thin young Doctor McCoy called out, "Here comes that - that Spook fellow. Nine o' clock."

Turning, Montgomery saw that another Academy cadet was indeed walking towards them, as astonished as he thought it was possible for a Vulcan to look. This Vulcan's name was Spock, although the thin young Doctor McCoy could never seem to remember that.

Montgomery could do nothing but watch helplessly as Spock strolled up beneath his tree. Spock's hands were behind his back, and both eyebrows were raised as he stared up at Montgomery. Montgomery stared back.

At last Spock spoke. "Mr. Scott, may I suggest that sitting in the top of a tree when not attempting to evade something is not logical."

Montgomery opened his mouth to explain, but instead of his voice, the voice of the thin young Doctor McCoy was heard. "You can suggest all you want, you infuriating extra-terrestrial. We're not coming down, so there."

Montgomery closed his mouth again in alarm. Had he said that? No, he realized with a mixture of relief and dismay, it was the thin young Doctor McCoy himself from the other side of the glade.

"May I ask why?"

Before the thin young Doctor McCoy could insult Spock again, Montgomery hastened to explain. "James Kirk was flying us around in a pod he - er - borrowed, and Mr. McCoy accidentally opened the escape hatch and we fell out into these trees. We've been waiting for James Kirk to realize we're gone and come back to get us."

"That is unlikely to happen," Spock began, but the thin young Doctor McCoy shouted again.

"So now you're trying to insinuate that James Kirk is not loyal? That he would just skip out and leave us in a fix like this? What kind of a green-blooded, ungrateful…"

"As a matter of fact, Mr. McCoy, I was only trying to inform you that James Kirk has been punished and sent to his room."

There was a moment of stunned silence on Montgomery's part, and even the thin young Doctor McCoy was a bit shocked. James Kirk almost never got punished, but of course the one time he did, Montgomery was stuck in the top of a tree with twigs poking into his uniform waiting for him.

Spock was about to turn and walk away, when the thin young Doctor McCoy called after him, "Wait a second, you unfeeling Vulcan, aren't you going to help us?"

"How do you propose I do that?"

"You could go get a pod and pick us up."

"On the contrary, it is forbidden for cadets to use pods except during training hours when supervised by a…"

"But we need help here! You could do it anyway, you know."

Montgomery wished he would have just let Spock alone. He didn't relish the thought of being in the middle of another conversation - if the fierce passion-versus-logic arguments could be called conversations - between the thin young Doctor McCoy and Spock.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. McCoy. To disobey rules is illogical, as they are there for a definite purpose…"

"A definite purpose? Don't talk to me about logic you frustrating freak, Mr. Scott and I are STUCK IN THE TOP OF A TREE!"

"Calm yourself, sir. I am merely going to get a ladder; I assure you that I had no thought of abandoning you to your plight."

For once, the thin young Doctor McCoy couldn't think of any offensive comments, so Montgomery hastened to say, "Thank you, Mr. Spock. I hope it's not too much trouble to ask you to hurry. I'm beginning to get stiff up here."

"I shall do my best, Mr. Scott."

Montgomery was not sure whether to be glad or sorry at the sight of Spock's back retreating towards the campus again. Hopefully, he would find a nice tall ladder, bring it back, and all would be fine.

Shifting his position slightly, Montgomery tried to seat himself more comfortably on a branch on his left, but it crackled menacingly, and he wrapped his arms around the trunk again in fright. It was a long way down, probably at least sixty feet. Montgomery shivered. He despised trees.

"I'm cold, Scotty," whimpered the thin young Doctor McCoy. "Do you think I'll catch hypothermia?"

With a sigh, Montgomery took one arm off the trunk and clumsily pulled off his jacket, nearly loosing his balance in the process. Tying the sleeves together to make it into a ball, he called, "Catch," and threw it roughly in the direction of the thin young Doctor McCoy's tree. Unfortunately, although Montgomery was an expert tinkerer and engineer and a model student, he was not a good thrower at all. The jacket sailed through the air and lodged itself tauntingly in a small tree that was almost exactly half-way between the two of them.

The thin young Doctor McCoy groaned, but he said, "Thank you anyway, Scotty."

"For what?" Montgomery couldn't fathom why he should be thanked. He'd only made himself colder without making the thin young Doctor McCoy any warmer.

"It's the thought that counts," the thin young Doctor McCoy suggested meekly. Then, "I'm sorry for getting you into this mess, Scotty."

If Montgomery had heard this once in the last couple of months, he'd heard it a hundred times. It was getting to be a habit. But he was a kind soul, so he said, "It was my fault as much as yours, Doctor." So what if the Doctor had insisted that if Montgomery didn't come along he would be too scared? Montgomery had a will of his own (or at least he thought he did), he could have refused.

Besides, it didn't matter right now whose fault it was. They were there, and the trouble now was getting down.

"It's nice of you to say so," said the thin young Doctor McCoy gratefully. "You're a good friend."

"Thank you," sighed Montgomery again, mentally calculating how many exams he would have to take to make up for being out all night in a tree.

After another silence, they heard more footsteps, and Montgomery looked towards the Academy hopefully - maybe it was Spock with the ladder. But no, it was Hikaru Sulu, a junior first course cadet whom Montgomery had met a few times before. He was munching on an apple and swinging his books as he walked, and humming to himself. He had taken off his jacket and swung it over his arm, and his muscles bulged beneath his t-shirt.

He walked right under Montgomery's tree, still munching and humming. Montgomery thought he ought to say something - after all, it is polite to acknowledge a schoolmate when he is passing, even if you don't know him very well. But all he could think of to say was, "Hello, Mr. Sulu," so that's what he said.

Sulu looked up to see where the voice had come from. When he saw Montgomery in the top of the tree, he didn't seem all that surprised. "Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. Is there a nice view up there?"

"Very fine, thank you," seemed to be the proper thing to say, so Montgomery said it.

"I'm hungry, Mr. Sulu," called the thin young Doctor McCoy from his tree. Sulu looked up and grinned. "Catch, Mr. McCoy."

Apparently Mr. Sulu was a very good thrower, because he nonchalantly tossed his half-eaten apple up to the thin young Doctor McCoy, who caught it gladly and began to eat it ravenously.

Montgomery's stomach growled.

"Say, can you see the landing base from up there?" asked Sulu interestedly, dropping his books and jacket carelessly on the ground.

Not sure what difference this made, Montgomery scanned the horizon in all directions. "I don't think so."

"Oh, you must be able to. You're looking the wrong direction anyway. You have to look West."

Montgomery obligingly looked in the direction he thought was West.

"No, no, the other West. Here, let me show you." And Sulu scurried up the tree with the agility of a squirrel. "This is West. Ah, just as I thought, you can see it!" Sitting gracefully on a limb on the other side of the trunk from Montgomery, he asked, "So is this your new habitat?"

"I hope not," Montgomery said emphatically. "I don't think it would be much of a habit to sit…"

"No, habitat, hab-it-at. It's a place where you live. You know, like a house or a tent?"

Montgomery couldn't think of an answer for this, and he didn't have to, because at that moment the thin young Doctor McCoy called out, "Five o' clock. Sulu, why don't you ever tell that little Russian kid to stop following you around?"

"Oh, he's alright," said Sulu good-naturedly.

Montgomery looked down and saw young freshman Pavel Chekov running up. "Sulu?" he called. "Sulu, vhere are you?"

"Up here, Chekov!" called Sulu, waving as if it were all quite normal to sit in the top of trees.

"Up vhere? Are you flying again, Sulu? You know that Mr. Treshbon said not to…"

"I'm not flying, you silly boy. I'm up here, can't you see me?" Sulu waved more emphatically than ever, which shook the whole tree and caused Montgomery to clutch onto the trunk for dear life.

Chekov continued to look around bewilderedly for several minutes before the thin young Doctor McCoy exasperatedly threw down his apple core, hitting Chekov in the middle of the forehead.

"Ow!" yelled Chekov, looking up into the trees at last. He saw Sulu and Montgomery up there and grinned charmingly. "Oh, hello Sulu! Mr. Scott, how are you doing?"

"Not very well," Montgomery answered, but Chekov didn't seem interested in his answer, as he went on rapidly.

"That looks like fun! Can I come up, Sulu?"

"Sure! The more the merrier, right Mr. Scott?"

"Well," began Montgomery, "I don't know if…"

But Chekov was already clambering up, and he had soon settled himself beside Sulu with a happy little wiggle. "I like it up here. Can ve come up here every day?"

"Sure!" said Sulu again, but at a shocked glance from Montgomery, he added, "Well, almost every day."

Grinning charmingly, Chekov started trying to find his dorm window.

Montgomery was surprised - not to mention slightly annoyed - at this turn of events. Here he was trying to find a way to get down from there and go back to his nice, warm, safe, cozy room, and it seemed that everyone else was just dying to get up there with him. Sometimes he didn't understand the other cadets at all.

"What time is it?" called the thin young Doctor McCoy from his tree.

"Almost seven," answered Sulu after consulting his watch. "Say Chekov, do you know any songs about being in trees?"

Chekov bounced up and down while he thought, and Montgomery desperately clutched the tree tighter.

"No, let's make vun up! Ve can sing it to the tune of 'Tvinkle, Tvinkle Little Star,'" was his delightful suggestion, so the two presently began to sing:

_Oh, we are up in the top of a tree_

_In the top of a tree with Mr. Scott._

_We'll sit here all night and day,_

_We never want to go away,_

_We hope that we won't fall out_

'_Cause we might break all our bones._

The two of them seemed to think this song immensely amusing, and Chekov immediately began giggling and rocking back and forth again when they were done. Montgomery personally didn't find the song very charming or reassuring.

A shower of leaves tumbled down his shirt. Desperately, he reached out and tapped Sulu on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Mr. Sulu, but do you think you might ask him to stop?"

Sulu glanced at Chekov, who was singing the song at the top of his lungs and bouncing up and down. "You don't like the song?"

Montgomery didn't like the song, actually, but that wasn't what he meant. "I don't like him to rock the tree like that, we might actually fall out."

"Chekov?" Sulu called.

Chekov was singing so loudly he didn't hear him.

"Chekov? Chekov? Mr. Scott wants you to stop rocking the tree. Chekov?" He reached out and touched Chekov on the back just as the Russian boy was in the middle of a jump, and he tumbled off his branch and headed towards the ground at an alarming pace.

"You've lost someone!" called the thin young Doctor McCoy helpfully.

Montgomery was terrified, and was trying to think of something he could do, but at last he gave up and began trying instead to think what he would wear to young Mr. Chekov's funeral, but Sulu calmly reached down and grabbed Chekov by one flailing ankle, and held him like that.

"Chekov, you really ought to be more careful," Sulu scolded.

"Sorry," Chekov apologized.

"Don't let him hang upside down for too long," the thin young Doctor McCoy called helpfully, "you might get too much blood to his brain."

Before Sulu could answer that, Chekov called, "Here comes your girlfriend, Sulu."

"If you mean Miss Uhura, she's not my girlfriend, and stop saying that," Sulu said irritably. "Unless you would like me to let go of your ankle."

Chekov screeched, and again said he was sorry.

Miss Uhura, a pretty, black, senior first course cadet, walked into the clearing just then, as predicted. Unlike the other two visitors, she had the sense to look up and see the men in the top of the tree right away. Of course this might have had something to do with the fact that Mr. Chekov's head was dangling a foot or so above hers.

"Hello Sulu. Hello, Chekov. And is that you, Mr. Scott?"

Before Montgomery could answer, Chekov waved charmingly. "Hello, Miss Uhura!"

"Sulu, why don't you pull him up?" the girl scolded.

"I'd love too, but he's been eating too many hamburgers lately, if you catch my meaning."

"I have not," Chekov cried indignantly. "I don't even like hamburgers."

"Why doesn't Mr. Scott help you?" was Uhura's next rather practical question.

Sulu glanced at Montgomery, who was clutching the tree tighter than ever, trying not to scratch his chest, which now itched because of all the leaves that had fallen down his shirt.

"I think he may have gone into shock," was Sulu's matter-of-fact answer.

"Shock!" cried the thin young Doctor McCoy, "Scotty are you okay?"

"No," said Montgomery. He was thoroughly tired of the whole thing.

"I suppose I have to do everything myself," sighed Uhura, rolling up her sleeves. She shimmied up the trunk quickly and skillfully, and then planted herself next to Sulu and grabbed hold of Chekov's other ankle. Heaving, they pulled the boy up, and he settled himself down again, not seeming much subdued.

"So what's this all about, fellows?" she asked, sitting easily and comfortably on the branch. "Are you going to make a habit of this?"

"Oh, maybe," Sulu answered, making Montgomery clutch the tree as tightly as he possibly could. Oh where was Spock with that ladder?

"Hey!" yelled the thin young Doctor McCoy. "How come everybody goes up in his tree? Why don't I get to have any company?"

Montgomery privately thought that he would like it if the thin young Doctor McCoy had all the company to himself, but didn't say anything.

Before any of his fellow tree-mates could answer, Spock walked into the clearing with a long, metal ladder. He stopped short when he looked up, and seemed to be counting the number of people who now sat in Montgomery's tree, but at last he shrugged and lugged the ladder over to the thin young Doctor McCoy.

"Hello Mr. Spock!" the three younger cadets yelled.

"Hello," he said, and settled the ladder carefully against the tree where the thin young Doctor McCoy sat. Montgomery watched rather impatiently as Spock slowly began climbing up the ladder, carefully placing each foot, moving on up -

"Why don't you hurry, you botheration?" asked the thin young Doctor McCoy. Montgomery would have thought he could at least have had the self-control to refrain from insulting Spock while he was rescuing him.

But Spock didn't seem phased by this, and he continued up the tree until he had reached the thin young Doctor McCoy, and then he began to help him onto the ladder.

"Be careful, Doctor," Montgomery couldn't help warning. It looked as though the Doctor was a mite too impatient in the way he put his foot down.

To Montgomery's great horror, the thin young Doctor McCoy's foot slipped just at that moment, and with a yell, he fell several feet to the ground. Even Mr. Chekov was silenced as they all looked down at him.

"Doctor!" cried Montgomery. "Doctor, I'm sorry I was angry with you! This was all my fault! Are you going to be alright?"

There was one agonizing moment of silence, then the thin young Doctor McCoy called, "Scotty?"

"Yes?"

"I got down."

Sulu and Uhura laughed, and Chekov immediately recovered his spirits.

"That looks like fun!" he laughed, jumping up and down again. "Come on, everybody!" And before Montgomery could protest he had given another huge jump and then he put out his hands and gave the other three a push which sent all four of them hurtling to the ground below.

The landing, although shaking, was not as painful as Montgomery had anticipated. And now that he was looking up at the tree, it didn't honestly look all that tall.

"I see you were in fact not in need of my assistance," Spock said composedly. "I believe I shall go put this away now," and without expression, he carted the ladder back in the direction of the Academy again.

"Well, this has been fun," said Sulu, clapping Montgomery hard on the back and shaking his hand. "We must do it again sometime."

Before Montgomery could say that he was most certainly never going to do it again, the three younger cadets had walked away, laughing and chatting.

The thin young Doctor McCoy walked over to Montgomery, and the two silently headed back to the Academy.

When they reached it, Montgomery was sorry, though not altogether surprised, to see security waiting for them.

"You two are to be punished for taking part in the act of using pods during irregular hours."

"Jim didn't tell on us, did he?" cried the thin young Doctor McCoy.

"No," said one of the men. "We saw you hiding in those trees on our security cameras. We were only waiting for you to realize that hiding would do you no good and come down. It'll be detention for the rest of the night."

As they sat in detention together, the thin young Doctor McCoy said, "I'm sorry, Scotty, this was all my fault."

Montgomery thought about the whole incident and sighed wearily. "That's alright, laddie." He laid his head down on the pillow that had been put there for his use. "It's all over now."

"I know just how to make it up to you though. There's a circus coming to town tomorrow, and Jim was making plans to get out in the afternoon and sneak in…"

Montgomery shook his head. "I'd rather not make any more plans just now, Doctor."

Apparently the thin young Doctor McCoy hadn't heard him, because he went on excitedly, "I hear they have real elephants, and of course we can see the acrobats…"

His eyelids felt heavy, and they slowly began to close. Reaching down into his shirt, he pulled out a few more loose leaves.

"And of course the clowns, those will be funny, and don't you want to see the lion tamers?"

It did sound fun. But right now he was tired. "Whatever you say, Doctor."

"Scotty?"

Montgomery murmured sleepily. "Yes?"

"You're a good friend."

The last words he could force out were, "You too, Doctor."

Then he fell asleep.


End file.
